08 December 2016

The game broke its own Knees



Tell me something.  Whats your best weapon in Fallout 4?  Take your time.
Oh, Overseers Guardian?  Yeah, thats pretty good.  Two shots for one, thats double damage every time.  Great for sniping until you can get Old Reliable.
Splattercannon?  It goes alright.  Keep your aim good and youll be copping it sweet as your damage overloads the big bastard's health bar.
Big Boy?  Fkn oath thats good.  Just the other day I was joking about using that to clear out some bumpkin blokes yard, using the MIRV Mod for added effect.
Well youre all wrong.  The correct answer is my Legendary Kneecapper  Pipe Rifle.
This little beauty unloads the drum barrel in... well if i said seconds, then Im implying I spend less time reloading.
Every time I unleash this firehose of .38 Rounds, everyone kneels before me like I'm exposing a cock as heavy as gods own.
Seriously, 20% on every fucking shot might break the legs of whatever dried scrotum has a go at me?  Its outrageous!  It hits like a wet napkin, but thats not the point here.
Ive had ghouls in dresses, Raiders with shishkebabs, Supermutants with Floorboards that still have the bathroom sink attached, and "Im a big fucker with a fancy hat" Swan all have a crack at me and everything went A over T for them.
And here I am, a year later, level 102, and I am still rocking that sweet arsehole of a rifle and I will never look back.

12 January 2016

Xcom 2? More like Se- Oh maybe I won't make that joke

I remember the final moments of XCOM.  I was on a roll, slowly moving forward through the temple ship, entrenching myself positively before bombarding something like a Sectopod with anything and everything I have.

And when I reached that final room, the last thing that went through the Uber Ethereals head was enough plasma to power Australia for fifteen years.  And that's only from a couple of shots from my Sniper.

Anyway, my Volunteer did what any semi-omnipotent Psion would:  He saved the Fuckin Day.  Everyone watched the Temple Ship rise up from it's place, floating up out of the Atmosphere, and loudly implode.

Lets move 20 years ahead.  All that I described above?  It never happened.  Humans didn't win the war.  Hell, they didn't win the battle.  Aliens descended and we were overrun by Technology and Numbers.  Seems the more likely outcome, no?  But hey, at least it's nice to know what could have been.

Now we walk the perfectly paved streets of Alien Megacities, stalking the shadows before ambushing the alien forces policing their new home, before stealing back to their new mobile headquarters, dubbed the moniker "Avenger".

I am super excited for Xcom 2, especially since Ive been playing Fallout 4.  Weird comparison I realise, but the reason is because Fallout feels like a Turn Based game.  Every time I trigger V.A.T.S. adjacent to an enemy, I usually have a 95 percentile to hit, and usually the game rolls the 5% needed to miss.  Immediately I'm reminded of a grinning meme saying "THATS XCOM BABY".

That was when I stumbled across the Lets Play Videos that were recently released, and began to salivate all over again, wishing I could satiate my thirst on the death of various and numerous aliens.  I comtinue to watch long into the morning, yearning to be behind the controls of the demonstration the video reviewers are posting, while debating on trying to accomplish Impossible Ironman on my own console, along with purposely ramping the difficulty by refusing to create the powerhouses known as MECs.

The Videos were incredibly enlightening, showing us a handful of the secrets allowed by the developers and company, focusing on Soldiers, Combat, and some Strategy Layer features.  It is noteworthy the information provided from soldier profiles, informing not only of their Health, Aim and Will, but also Movement, Armour, Dodge and Hack scores.

But what I'm really happy about is how the combat hasn't changed, it has Improved.  Rather than throw the magic of their first reboot out the window and starting afresh, or reusing everything and just chinging a few names and locales, they just tacked on new features that I wish were in XCOM Enemy Unknown/Within.

Weapon Modifications, Grenade Launchers, Computer Hacking...  So many improvements that I cannot wait for.  But have to as I am going to get a console port if and when that happens.